I FIND IT HARD TO RETAIN CONSISTENT PERSPECTIVE. LIFE CREEPS UP ON YOU AND DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOUR SITUATION. A BAD DAY FOR ME IS STILL SOAKED IN PRIVILEGE. SOME PEOPLE LITERALLY HAVE NOTHING. NO THING. NO. THING.
I HAVE SO MUCH.
I AM GRATEFUL. IF I EVER FORGET THAT, I AM SORRY.
Well that was mental.
Three months ago I was celebrating the end of my first two weeks living in Berlin, today I am packing all my worldly possessions in two suitcases.
My time in Berlin is over. I am going home.
(Note to self: I have a home. That makes me incredibly fucking privileged)
This was a hard decision to make, I saved up for 12 months to move here. I told everyone I knew about my exciting move! I met my partner within that time and he moved with me. We sacrificed a lot to get ourselves to Germany.
We had plans that we believed in.
So, I am leaving Germany with a bag full of lessons, a book full of lyrics, a smile on my face and a heart full of songs.
The mother of all lessons: you are never moving backwards in your life.
It is actually impossible to do so, no matter how much you feel you are, you simply cannot be. Each and every move, turn, fall, scrape is another valuable piece of information to add to your life's handbook. So for fucks sake, can we all just fucking stop beating ourselves up for living.
When things don't pan out the way you expected that’s just a lesson to widen your expectations.
Having somewhere, family and friends, to go back to when you have taken a huge risk, spent your savings all in the name of experience, that is a lesson in gratitude.
Scraping together the bravery, from the bottom of your guts, to follow your heart and then anxiously realising that you hadn’t really listened to your head at all is a lesson in humility.
My privilege hurts. I share a city with thousands of Refugees. The media is choking on images. We are the fortunate ones.
I have a life to move forward within. Some do not. Some are trapped so intensely in NOW that tomorrow doesn’t even belong in their imagination.
I refuse to beat myself up for experiencing. I refuse to limit my existence to these so called failures and successes. I chose to feel, to act, to sing, to love and to attempt to understand that we are just living, alive, miracles of things, walking around this planet as beating bags of blood.
It’s good to take the long way round. It means you listen and learn. Don't let the fear of what others may think of you hold you back, people are too busy thinking about themselves anyway.
My next destination is Glasgow. Maybe tomorrow I will be drawn somewhere else, who knows. This is a weird lifestyle with no set place of work, no structured working hours and no real guarantee of income. It is a career of risks but fuck it - so is life. And these risks are fundamentally less risky than what some other people, in a different part of this planet, have to endure just to grab some water, food or safety.
Back to Scotland I fly. Tour starts on week today. Time to create a new connection.